bisku tau kompromato 

regutis mano 

kur pirstai skanus 

ka cia 

apruko 

Lithuania here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh mother of Jesus.....im already intoxicated with the idea of going to Vilnius hahhaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enrika, don't know if you are reading any of this but if you are.....oh......Cant wait to see you!!!! jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and seeing my little Marta and oh just being at home and eating properly finally haha

this is so bloody ridiculous, i can't take this sodding picture of my blog. Such an idiotic way of being (forced) to in love with oneself. i.e. stare at myself every time i open my blog. how pathetic.

Right, this photo was not supposed to be here.
Close your eyes

. 

All the lonely people. There is a seemingly irrelevant pathway to the sea. It is mostly stones and a tree or two and a shattered bench on its side. If you were to choose and walk it you would be infinitely changed. It is a pathway that brings you closer to everything you were afraid of and everything you have ever dreamed of. It is pathway that will make you levitate and force you to confront all your insecurities. Of course there is one inescapable rule before you set of on our walk. You must walk alone. It is the only acceptable and true way. Only then will you hear the leaves whisper tales your wildest imagination has not been and will not be able to invent. Only then will your body feel like a rock filled with water. Only then will your eyes see beyond the darkness. In my head I keep going back and back to that night. That one hour. That one minute. I have taken too long, way too long and should stop right here, right now and yet through all that drunkenness and the most horrible music that seemed to invade my whole body, my brain even, I heard that one person say words I have longed to hear for so long even if wasted to the level of insanity. I do realize it was such a silly and maybe even infantile way of getting what I wanted to get but it did feel great to put a checkmark next to that name. My feet were tired as I left the room. Blessed I was to stay with people who cared to listen and humbly accept. I will remember that pathway. I shall stop now.

It always amazes me how people go around their lives with bitten tongues and tango steps in their hair not realizing they are brushing against me, you and everyone we know the moment they blossom or willow by. How does it really feel to live in an isolated room with no windows and too many memories of faces and voices? How does it really feel to be an orphan despite having a mother and a father and a universe in one’s lap? They do have this funny way of doing business, or doing life if you wish vikute, when really it is all about how much or how little wounds they make on your or mine skin, then brain – an extra curve or two, and then most terrifyingly - needle the heart. I suppose that is what he meant by saying do life. Do life. My pal Newton says every action has an equal reaction to it…would really wish to see him explaining how my doing life differs from his doing death. What colour is that line? How does it smell? How does it stroke your fingers and what is reminds you off? That one memory from the backyard of your family house – can you hold it? Can you catch it fast enough before its poisoned with the aftertaste of the present?

negaliu judet, ikaltos kojos.....jooooo......oh my god kaip mano seses megstamiausia mergaite sako

i am far from perfect. far from half perfect. far from even mini perfect.
i am more like a sweet wrapper that someone throughs (sp?) out to the rubbish bin and missfires it and it lands next to the bin.
and i am partially that same sweet backstroking in someone's mouth.
you know??
i am all and nothing and i am sweet and i am plastic

…you wanna get burnt, you wanna get stoned, you wanna get fucked inside out, you wanna be a woman like a man…(Damien Rice)

There are rare moments in the middle of the night when you dream of running and you do and then you don’t at the same time. You know you are heading somewhere but you fail to notice that the point you have reached is only the starting point from the back. No, I am afraid you can never be faster than yourself.

Vikute came to visit me today and it felt great…dog, it felt wonderful and yet so distant in a way. The rope-tight thread of experience that links us, all the moments we have shared together throughout this past year was evident in every word and every gesture. Oh god, please, help me never forget all we have gone through.

A loose moment of sentimentality…

The truth is, the truth, the truth is……well…you figure it out yourselves and invite me for a cupa and I will tell you without telling my dreams of my nights sleep.

mama said, detox will be your personal Jesus.
Having made an unbreakable impression of myself as a party animal at my new favourite job I now suffer the consequences with greatest delight.
Being labelled the one to be most likely to stand rather an indecent amount of hours in a queue for a bottle of plonk I worship my rare fag breaks sipping skinny English breakfast tea and pretending to be all cool, all fine, all alive.
Among the few everyday discoveries is a fact that you can actually buy a two litre zeppelin-look-alike of a bottle of lemonade. For a mere 17 p. Red and yellow, they write, triggers appetite. I say, transparent is a new black! – Complies with all possible pop culture induced desires to submit one’s sensory receptors in something grand and smooth and oozy…such an overrated word used widely in a restaurant world, a world I only submerge my humble self while reading hundreds of articles on booze and tastes and new venues with the most authentic recipes and most excellent service. Dear dog, it does feel fantastically good to be free from slavery.

My dear Newton, it did come back to me: In pieces, in shattered sun-like copper artefacts, in distorted half-faces and most terrifying nightmares. Your law has been proven.

Postponing detox until later