never before have i cleaned fish..so i had to remember how my dad did it when i was young :) funny enough this had a therapeutic effect...they were so tiny but smelled like fish and even had tiny air bubbles in them!!! oh and they didnt taste of anything cos its only tiny bones and skin :/ surprise surprise

i loved them dearly! and even prayd for them before i went to bed but when it's time to go it's time to go

It's Official!

George W and 24 passed away today. 24 went first, i saw him dead before i left to work and found George W dead as i returned from work.

They served their purpose well.

I'm a crappy mum probably :)

Destroying my privacy with explicit visions of experiences well beyond my normal existence. The well defined borders of my being right here right now are crossed over by those the names of which I dare not say for they are the ones that have brought me to this point in my life and by Gods grace will be the ones who will take me back home.

Being nowhere is often as liberating as being at home for it offers the same kind of security that is funnily enough based on the unwillingness to indulge in thoughts about the unknown. Being nowhere entails too much of the unknown and thus transfers the being into an embryo like state of vegetation. Complete dependence, total submission. Absolute freedom.

And I think about all the shit we step onto as if on firm foundations. And I object it its well maintained privilege of stinking the path up. I object out of mere shallowness, out of mere pretentiousness for being aware of ones wrong doings is by far more crucifying than living in a narrow frame of superstitions or moral codes that twitch, and spread, and fuse, oh and so gracefully adjust to ones mood and preferences. Take on a mantra but take it on for a lifetime. Beware as who would want to make a mistake as huge??

A sin is a Master Ruler when one is aware of its implications. It no longer inhabits the ordinary boundaries of an improper act or thought. Just as water poured from a cup into a saucer it morphs into a novel shape leaving a living human for a living space. Momentarily the change is evident. The act of acknowledgement of one’s sinful act brings a list of mechanisms along. And by mechanisms I mean reactions from the Outside that strengthen one’s awareness of sin and is a fertiliser to its festering nature. And so the sin takes over the wretched body and becomes yet another shitty stepping stone. Yet a sin is merely a mistake in judgement when one is numbed (or shall I say blessed?) by ignorance but opens one’s eyes with the eagerness of a newborn child. Not even the Space can deny ones rightful request for liberation through repentance often as minor as “I fucked up”.

How shall I walk? How wide will my steps be, how far will my feet take me? How many times will I pause to nourish my body and how many times I shall stop to nourish my soul. Oh do tell me the formula for the perfect balance and I will sing songs or praise to you. I will fill the space with petals and leaves and will stand firm while tilting my head backwards to hold onto you..I will let it out in the squeak as poignant as the noise of twelve ostracised brothers circling the outskirts of lateral being we galvanize in those rare moments of vulnerability.

It shall all perish. I will stand there dressed in vanity, impregnated by painless vacuum where the echo of each of your voices will fuse into one yell that I will steal from this transient reality unknowingly to anyone. Trapped in the herd of bodies that are only bodies after all the voice would dissolve into nothingness which is the shapeless brother of everything.

I came across this at work:

"God sleeps in the stones, dreams in the plants,
wakes in the animals, and lives in the human"


p.s. went to get wine today and guess what: no ID - no wine...oh c'mon!!

This upcoming Friday
16 of June
My Getting Older Party
6 - 8 PM

33 Spencer Ave
Ask me for directions

Bring yourself and your friends and partner/s in crime
Strangers welcome!


Due to the shortage of time and other important resources this will not be a theme party as we initially planned it but Madness is on the list nontheless!

went to thorpe park today

http://www.thorpepark.com/default.asp?css=2

ech....nursing my sunburned skin now..my face got so red in the last few minutes and my arms are completelly pink :((( and im in such fucking pain its not even cute...and the appearing freckles dont help it :) oh well...stupid me. i want to go on Laiveliai again!!!!!! not Laiveliai really but you know those logs..My absolute fav.

Had sooo much fun darling!!! nu ir sorry jei as nebuwau too helpful su directions :)

i was thinking about your words "i don't like her as a person". you know who I am talking about. The blond thespian-or-tv-presenter-to-be love of ours. well..love is a strong word. love of mine then :) i tried to think what it is about her personality that you do not like but decided not to get into that pool of totally legible explanations you might have presented me with where i to inquire. the thing is that with her it is so easy to find morally inadequate or even wrong attributes that it's not fun anymore. Not fun to justify it by her fantastic way of BEING if at all...

what i then realized is that every single one of us is a sucker of some sorts. each and every one of us is incompetent in one or another field and knows something more and something less than the next person in line. even the one who knows all as it seems does not know something like ...what was the weather on the day he/she was born and whether the grass was short or long outside the bedroom window and how many attempts it took the milkman....you get my idea.

so...mm...yes. i think me and you and everyone we know could say "i dont like her or him as a person" but still find them fascinating. ok...im stating the obvious here but im only doing this so you are still with me on this. placed in a selective group of people we are bound to choose individuals who will help us maintain and improve the already accumulated knowledge and information and of course multiply it in immense numbers. Now all this might either be of intellectual or emotional or spiritual importance. Which brings me to think what makes us friends with people we would not like and spend time with normally? and i think that exactly this capacity to connect with something within us that we have developed without their help but which with their help would budd into a garden or a fence the size of an ocean is thats tempting us so much...or the promisse of it because the future is always unknown.

By letting one person in, formally or informally, by ways accepted or ways dispised, we are by all means expanding our territory of interests, facts, discoveries, appreciations, assumptions, etc, etc. But what makes the connection all the more important and vital is the reciprocal act of that expansion that we boomerang back using gestures or words or acts. and even if in this particular case the connection is one way....there is something about her personality that i really like (I choose to ignore the things i dislike strongly). on another occasion i might reject it (her) in five minutes as infantile and selfish and racist and insensitive but for those five minutes i will learn and grow even if in such a weird way :))) so the moral of the story hahaha...question, doubt, argue, love and praise ceaselessly. With or without someone around you. All you need after all is A working brain..

gawd. so not used to writing anymore. dont have spellcheck so excuse all the spelling mistakes. miss lcc to be honest. miss being forced to do better than i can. do better than anyone else :D miss reading all the bright IQ infused books.


p.s. btw...read grazinas entry. yeah right. entry aka term paper.

ok, so here's the list of London's 40 best or top or most worth visiting restaurants:

Al Duca
Angela Hartnett at the Connaught
Bank - Christian Delteil
Benares - Atul Kochar
Boxwood Café
Canteen
Carluccio’s - Antonio Carluccio
Cinnamon Club - Vivek Singh
Club Gascon - Pascal Aussignac
Cocoon - Andrew Lassetter
Fifteen Restaurant
Fino - Sam & Eddie Hart
Greenhouse - Antonin Bonnet
Hush - Jamie Barber
Imli
Imperial City - Ken Hom
Inn the Park - William Leigh
Kensington Place
Le Gavroche - Michel Roux Jr
Mango Tree
Marcus Wareing at The Savoy Grill
Mela - Kuldeep Singh
Momo Restaurant Familial - Mohamed Ourad
Nahm - David Thompson & Matthew Albert
Notting Grill
Pearl
Pied à Terre - Shane Osborn
Refettorio - Giorgio Locatelli
Roka - Nic Watt / Rainer Becker
Smiths of Smithfield - John Torode
Tom Aikens - Tom Aikens
Umu - Ichiro Kubota
Villandry - Jamie Barber
Wright Brothers
Yauatcha - Alan Yau
Zafferano - Andy Needham
Zaika - Sanjay Dwivedi
Zilli Fish - Aldo Zilli
Zuma - Rainer Becker & Colin Clague


So far i've eaten in 2 of them :D
must do something about it :))))

sigh...i should have been there!! standing in the front row :(
http://www1.roundhouse.org.uk/about/
im so gonna cry!!!!!!!! shitshit ..why did i have to live here!!!!

watching this creepy show on telly now..america and christianity - lethal symbiosis..

dont you just LOVE london in summer....how many of us simply hate it? hate it with every inch of our bodies and yet i would not change living here for anything...i just came home from doing some temping work in soho and lucky enough the film i was working on was short and i left early..i met up with a friend for a drink and oh...god i would not want to live anywhere else right now. its amazing what happens to this place in summer...its the most beautiful, tempting, sexy spot on the globe!!! all the cafes and restaurants have left their premises and set out tables outside. people drinking wine, beer, spritzers, cocktails sitting on pavements...all so cosmopolitan and soooo...ours. a girld walking down wardour street eating a fresh pineapple...a woman parking her bike (decorated in roses!) all dressed in fifties fashion and soo..londonish :) and us...joking about british accents, privacy (you know how to pronounce it PROPERLY if you have lived here long enough haha), and things that make no sense to anyone who has not seen this place at this time of the year...its is pure magic. savouring the moment...sheer happiness.