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to the creatures of the above world

Sunday, November 13, 2005

on Humiliation

(Do be embarrassed of your own Self which is the most undernourished place you reside in.)

What are you or will you be when you disregard all the social norms and expectations placed upon you by those you encounter on a daily basis knowingly or in ignorance?

Loud teenagers delirious in their attempts to shock and impress fail the instant they open their mouths. What impresses or shocks most is often left unspoken. Let alone, it often cannot be put into words. Remember that and reserve it for the benefit of the eye or the nose or the skin.

That minute when the steps you make are fragile but daring in their own right you know you have arrived. Your talk will not be about embroidering your face with smiles and bigger than average eyes but rather about your body and its tools that have a capacity to carve a masterpiece but might as well kill.

At that point you might find that your face/skin/smell/voice is the last thing you are remembered by. It is in your walk, how you enter the space, how your instincts take over your mind. That is what sets you apart from the leftovers of today, every day. Those thoughts, these delicate yet poignant still shapeless substances will seep to your marrows transforming you into something or someone else for an instant that could possibly endure longer if you kept the doors open. For we are each and every one of us remembered by the way we leave the room. Bear in mind not to stop before it is your time.

The space absorbs you. It invites you to submerge in its infinite secrets murmuring through the wallpapers and beyond. Do not fear, the space will take you by your hand and when you are pulled inside into that one thing that terrifies you so much, that very thing that wakes you up in the middle of the night shivering and grasping for breath letting you know your heart is not a machine that runs on words or impressions, you will fight the war unspeakable, detested, worshiped by the puny.

The outcome of this fight feeds on your insides. It feeds on your most denied and most cherished habits numbing the core. You will deny with feverish zeal the magic dance of your soul. That will often be seen as infantile yet inescapable. Learn by heart, you will be tempted to ascribe all the truth that was released to drunkenness or loss of sanity. To salvage you must be in captivity first.

What is that one note, you ask me, that poison you do not wish to find an antidote for?

Why does truth always have to masquerade in distress or decadence? Why do most sought for moments of liberation come into play at minutes (hours) of indulgence? Are we by nature slaves of shadows and shapes? And by whom are we governed so skilfully that we forget the anchoring chains down our ankles?

Our lives the lives lived by sinners never to be redeemed but kingly and queenly in our attempts to outline the territory of our dominion over the lesser and the to-be-devoured.

I will tell you about humiliation. It is a nano second worth a moment when a world to be exposed that lies within you so elaborately wrapped in fears and limitations you exercise upon your humble and weak body takes over, takes over.

Perennial salvation lies within your reach.

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